We got there......finally!

"You must be so excited to have your husband home, is it just fantastic?"

This sentence has been said to me a lot over the last 2 and a half weeks and I feel such pressure to say the right thing, when someone is in front of you asking that question there is an answer they expect...."Yes it is just fabulous and we've been walking on air since the second he walked through the door" but that really isn't the truth.

I think many people from outside the military community have a romantic view about how this person in uniform comes in and out your life and it is rose tinted, great for photo opportunities and something like out of the movies. 

The reality is though it isn't like those quotes you see shared over the internet.

 

Your partner packing a bag and leaving your life for a few months and not having any input in the daily upbringing of children or life in general isn't easy then having to have the ability to manage your marriage on one 15 minute phone call a week which is testing for the strongest of couples to the teaching yourself to fix anything and everything via google searching!

That void is then filled by your partner returning and expecting everything to be exactly as it was as if a pause button was pressed when they left the front door months ago. It isn't.

You will have bought things, changed the living room around, your child will have done lots, changed and grown. You will have been to weddings and christenings on your own and you may well have been through situations that have tested your resilience while you were flying solo. You definitely didn't experience a pause button over that separation period!

This post is about time, it has taken me and my family a full 18 days for us to 'be back to normal' it has been a tough couple of weeks, we've not been walking on air and it hasn't been rose tinted. That time has been needed for all of us to find our feet again, catch up on what was missed and to get things out of our systems that we bottled up over that deployment. I know I talk about your light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes maybe we focus on that return date too much because the truth is sometimes the light at the end is actually a couple of weeks after they come home.

We persevered, we talked and ultimately the years of military life we've lived and the love that we have meant that we stuck with it and knew we'd get there eventually and once again we have. We found our normal but it wasn't instant and it did this time take longer that maybe some other times.

As always be kind to yourself, no homecoming will be the same but ALL will take time and as I say for us that was nearly three weeks! So if you are battling that initial period at the moment and you feel alone because it isn't how you imagined yet, breathe deep and believe that your normal will come, just give it yourselves time.

Louise xxx

A bittersweet homecoming

I don't really know where to start with this post, it seems so much has happened in a short space of time, it's taken me a while to process it all and to reach the point where I could share.

My husband ended up only being away for two months in the end, I think what it does prove is no matter how long the separation period you go on the same journey, we feel the same things be it two months or nine months. Be kind to yourself.

I found out while my husband was away that he is now being deployed for seven months in early January, this will mean nearly 10 months out of 12 he will have been away from home. We weren't expecting this deployment and finding out by text and not being about to chat through everything together was tough.

I felt really numb

He was away, he'd come home, we'd get back to normal for a couple of months then he'll be off again. I also know myself and I REALLY wanted to deal with it well so that there isn't a black cloud over Christmas. It is happening and I want to be a supportive wife so I'm trying very very hard to be positive and know that I will be OK with the help of lots of special people who are in my life.

Enough about the pending deployment.......my husband came home last week and it has taken a full five days for us to settle back into being in each others company. 

How about you? Does resettling back into things take a while for you?

I don't know if I have always been emotionally complex or if 18 years of military life has made me emotionally complex...but the fact remains I am.

Excitement isn't something I feel, relief is always there but not excitement. He came in at about 4am and got into bed, it was dark and I couldn't see him but I was glad to know he was home, it was strange to have someone breathing next to me, how can even breathing annoy you?! The next morning he surprised our daughter and went and woke her up and she was beside herself, so so happy she wore a huge smile all day.

Then reality kicks in, the kit that is left everywhere, the tidy house which suddenly isn't tidy any more, the over flowing washing basket, the empty milk carton....the list is endless and for a couple of days we bicker and I snap. He does really try and blend back in and make it as smooth as possible but I think when they are away we force ourselves to be strong and independent so we  can survive so when they come back it is hard to readjust, just as it was hard when he first went.

The pile that lets you know they are most definitely home!

The harder I push him away the more I need him to pull me closer

 A marriage in the military really is often all or nothing...you go from not hearing from them in nine days to suddenly they are home and on leave at home by your side 24/7 and for any human no matter how adaptable you are, no matter how flexible you think you are emotionally it is hard to switch between the two and no matter how much practice you have I find it doesn't get easier.

So we are five days on from him returning and I feel like its been a really tough 10 days or so of restless nights sleep, emotions running high and over thinking but we are getting there. We feel comfortable again and as a unit we are readjusting and getting used to being 2+1 again.

Some very specials friends and family have been right by my side these last couple of months and I also know they will be there come the New Year once we are saying our goodbyes again. The thought fills me with dread but I am determined to have a really nice couple of months before that is upon us.

For now though......my lobster is home. Louise xxx