Blog from the founder of the charity Little Troopers. Military wife and mum sharing thoughts and feelings of being a British Armed Forces family.

Little Troopers is a registered charity supporting all children with parents serving in the British Armed Forces, regular or reserve. We provide fundamental resources, initiatives and events to ease and aid repeated separation periods aiming to keep parent and child connected and bonded even when miles apart

8 Sep 2017

The dust has settled....ish

Here we are two and a bit weeks into a separation period of a few months and we have definitely entered the 'situation normal' stage, no longer wearing a sad face every day and all trace that a man....especially a soldier man ever did live in the house has disappeared! All uniform is away, all his washing done and hidden and the cushions stay plumped!!!!!

Routine is BACK......with a vengeance. 

I would say this stage is a mixed bag for me, the dust has settled...ish and especially with the summer holidays over, school has returned, clubs have returned and normality is upon us. That normality while I am solo parenting for a long period can turn into a hamster wheel of repetition.....

 Get up
Go to school and work
Come home
Drop off to a club
Come home
Go to bed

That is life in general of course, I know that, but what I am finding this time is my daughter is older, a teenager and rightly has her own life and it is a busy one so time on my own seems to be more frequent, those military spouses with no children will I am sure be nodding and identify with this, also people with little ones would feel this in the evenings too? I even found myself looking at a dog rescue site but no idea how I'd fit a bloody dog into life too. 

I don't like to use the term loneliness because in life I am not lonely I have tons of friends and family and hobbies but there is an air of loneliness sometimes when my husband is away from home for an elongated period of time. Loneliness for for adult conversation, for a TV buddy, for hugs, to share the parent taxi role and to just tell about your bad day at the office.

So those with older children or no children, what are your tips for a period of separation?

Communications aren't great this time for us due to an accumulation of things and while browsing Instagram I came across a really good blog post from and I couldn't have explained it better, ok so she is a US military spouse but this scenario she talks of...this is where we are at and its so hard to explain, in summary it is sporadic and in 17 days I have spoken to my husband for approximately 11 minutes. Read the post HERE 
I find hardest the fact I can't pick up the phone and call when I need to and get the reassurance I need at that moment, that advice, or have the opportunity to shout really bloody loudly that I am wading through treacle on that particular day and its all a bit of struggle because they are on the other side of the world.
the story of my life at the moment........
You hear ALL the time "military spouses are so strong" well yes but this is because we have no choice in the matter, sometimes I feel totally empowered when going through a separation period, I kind of walk with a feeling of total independence punching the air feeling like I am totally killing it and then like yesterday I sob on the mechanic in the car garage. 

It's a roller-coaster

If you are new to this military game, if you are an old hat and been doing it for years and years I like to think there is lots of hints and tips and just strength we can pass to each other, if nothing else it brings comfort, I like to know I'm not the only one who sometimes can not face to get out of bed for yet another Sunday on my own.

So let me know how you are getting on and your top deployment tips and lets spread that strength and comfort.

Lots of love Louise xxxx

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