Friendships - For a season, a reason and a lifetime

A month in to this separation period and we've survived this far! OK so there seems to be bump in the road of some description each week but I am becoming a pro again at dusting myself off and marching on, it's just remembering how, but it is coming back to me.

I am always reminded when I am flying solo that the network you have around you is SO important, it is your lifeline at that moment in time, in that chapter of your life. I wanted to write a post and share some of my experiences of friendships in this military life that I have had and how important they have been in my patchwork of adult life.

I live by the motto you have friends for a season, a reason and a lifetime...

Way back in 2002 I was a soldier living in Germany, a pregnant soldier for that matter and my husband was deployed to the Iraq war. Anyone who was in the military community at that time knows that particular war and that early Telic deployment was so so hard, no contact at all you just watched the news in tears everyday. I was young, living in a foreign country, didn't have my family around and all my friends had deployed! My husband and I served in the same regiment and there was a guardian angel that came into my life at that very low point in the shape of the Battery Captains wife. Sandra was like a surrogate mum to me, a friend I could rely on who completely took me under her wing and I feel so emotional writing and remembering all she did for me; took me to my scan appointments, came to my antenatal classes, sat and hugged me when I was scared and we even spent Christmas day together one year.

That amazing lady isn't in my life any more but she was in it for a reason and I am so thankful.

Over the years I have learnt that some friendships in the military community can be really intense, especially when we have been based overseas and especially over long deployments. You speak on the phone ten times a day even though you are neighbours, you go food shopping to the Naafi together and share every single thing that happens in your life at that time with each other. At that moment, in that chapter those friendships are really important and often become your lifeline because you are living the same life, the same challenges and being with others that understand is the best tonic. You are stronger with each other.

I don't speak to all those people all the time now but they have all got a fond place in my heart because for that time, these friends for a season were my lifeline.

I have never been massively in the thick of it in the military communities I have lived because I was serving, after I got out I worked full time and now my child is a teenager so don't mix with others at this posting as no opportunity to.

Right now in the present my rocks are my lifelong friends, the ones I have know since I was at school or there abouts, the ones that know me better than anyone, the ones that no matter where in the world I have been based they have visited, they have been there sending me love, support and picking up the phone to my tears and I am lucky that these girls are locationally not that far from me and can be in my every day life currently. Last week wasn't the best as you may have read from previous post but I saw all three of my best friends at certain points and I felt emotionally refueled and ready to face the world again.

To those lifers, thank you.

Whatever your current military situation you absolutely need a support network, you need someone who is right there with you for strength and for comfort. Go knock on your next door neighbour or post a note saying "Lets drink wine" just this Sunday my neighbour and her adorable little boy came and we ate a roast and crumble, we exchanged stories of not sleeping, how much we hate Sundays alone and how we haven't had calls and all was good in the world again. Don't under estimate the power of a friendly face, even one you may not know very well.

Crumble and a friendly face makes a solo Sunday better

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, some are for seasons some are for reasons and some are for a lifetime but all are important in this military life we live, being strong constantly can be tiring and having a support network of some form is important for you and your well-being. You will look back in years to come and remember those people and smile, just like I do and be thankful they were there at that time in your life. Have an open mind and an open heart, let people in and be there for others, it will lead to your own colourful patchwork of life and memories.

Here's to friendship, of all shapes and sizes.

Love Louise xxxx

Readjustment

Now I am not entirely sure if this readjustment phase I wanted to blog about is something other people go through or if it is just something I feel? As I said in my previous post I want to blog throughout this latest deployment and all the thoughts and feelings I journey through to bring strength to other military families also experiencing separation, so we all know we are not alone.

We are in this together.

Read previous post; The emotional fuel tank  

A week or so before my husband goes away for a substantial period of time I seem to distance myself, I detach myself from him to prove in my head I can do it alone. This isn't ideal for anyone because it often ruins that last week or so before a deployment but...it is how I process the situation. It is me proving to myself I am not dependent.

And then he goes.

I always allow myself a week or maybe 10 days to readjust. It is never plain sailing at the beginning because often it is the middle of the night they get up and go or they get delayed, it is always subject to change so in your mind it is hard to feel in control.

Once he's gone my initial feeling is always sadness, I feel very vulnerable and alone. Doing a load of washing his boxers are still in the laundry basket, his ironing is still in the pile, his slippers are still by the bed and this brings waves of sadness, it seems such a huge mountain of time to climb until he comes home.

Once that washing is done I won't let myself wallow for more than a day or so it is then time to dig deep, form a routine and be strong. I know I can do this, I always do, it is just remembering how.

My coping mechanism is always to make plans, weekends are the worst especially Sundays so I make sure where I can I see friends or family or have a day out with my girlie, being busy really does make time pass quicker. I have been using the weekly planner template from Little Troopers to help, you can download it for free HERE

This time there is some intermittent WIFI for a week or so which means some what's app messages so I know he's OK but we haven't spoken since he left. When I talk to people outside the military they can never quite get their heads around what we go through, it seems normal to us but so alien to others. It is a strange concept I guess to be apart for months with limited communication.

Do you go through a period of readjustment? 

What is your experiences of the first part of deployment?

Nearly a week in now so we are getting in a routine but at the very bottom of the big time mountain, with the odd letter from the postman reminding me that there is a soldier shaped gap in our home right now.

So far only one wobble and that was when one of our fish died and I had to flush it....theses things ALWAYS seem to happen just as they walk out the door!!!

Love Louise xxx

To 'keep busy' we went exploring in the countryside

Today is the day!!!

2011 seems so long ago now....so much has happened in that space of time.

This is a picture of where it all began, me and my much smaller Little Trooper at the summit of Snowdon, my friends and family all rallied round to support the trek I wanted to do to distract my Little Trooper from the pain she was feeling from be constantly, repeatedly separated from her soldier daddy. You can read more about the 2011 trek here

Post the trek My Daddy is a Soldier Adventures was born and over the last 4 years its been a rocky but rewarding road to see the charity grow into such a worthwhile community for forces families.

I always like to dream big and there is so much I want to achieve for military families but expanding the charity to include RAF and Royal Navy families was always top of my list.
It has taken a long time to reach where we are today, lots of lessons been learnt, lots of people who have supported the growth and help make it happen but waking up this morning I had the biggest smile on my face...

WE ARE NOW THE FIRST TRI-SERVICE CHILDRENS CHARITY FOR SERVING UK ARMED FORCES PERSONNEL!!!!!!!!!!

Little Troopers is our new charity name and we look forward to welcoming lots of new Royal Navy and Royal Air Force families to the community as well as the British Army families we already support. Regardless of service, children experience repeated separation and we want to be there to support all the Little Troopers of our British Armed Forces.

Visit our new website: www.littletroopers.net



This has been an amazing journey so far and I am so pleased we have reached this milestone, there are so many people supporting this cause and making this happen....I couldn't do this on my own.

I can't wait to meet lots of you in the coming months, we are holding launch events for RAF and Royal Navy families in early 2016, we have our Snowdon weekend event in April and of course Summer Camp in June!

Thank you from me for the continued support, here's to the next chapter!

Louise xxxxx

and then there were two.....

Its a miserable Monday morning after a very long, quiet weekend, we are eight days into a period of separation and I have realised just how much I rely on the charity for support when my soldier is away, the Facebook page is a lovely community of people who are all going through the same thing which is so comforting to me right now.

It has been four years since my husband and I have experienced a separation of longer than a couple of weeks so it has been a real adjustment, I am SO bad at goodbyes even after all the practise I have had! I feel sick and become very quiet the day before knowing what is coming and then saying goodbye it doesn't matter where he is going I feel like my heart breaks a bit every time.

Luckily it was very late at night so our Little Trooper was tucked up and woke the next day really positive, I got up the next day feeling strong and determined to not have a black cloud over my week.

Separation is hard, it doesn't matter where your partner going (war or otherwise), how many months your partner is away for...its difficult, emotional and a real test of your resolve.
So many service personnel are away right now for a long time away from their families, its not in the news and you don't always hear about it but its happening and I want to highlight that.
To all those who tell me not so...The charity is NEEDED all the time because separation of British Armed Forces families is ALWAYS happening.

I posted an image on Facebook the day my soldier went away which many liked and shared and commented on because we all know the feeling...

One comment made me cry, lots of very real tears;

"I said goodbye a month ago yesterday and have to wait until 5th Dec to see him again, so far he has missed our sons first word, standing up, clapping his hands, my 21st birthday and our first wedding anniversary today"

I cried because I got it, I've been there. So many things people take for granted and military families have big gaps in their lives where things have been missed, memories are missing, occasions aren't what they should be and bonds with Little Troopers are affected.

If nothing else take away from this blogpost that so many families are separated right now, so many strong women are surviving and so many Little Troopers continue to need the resources the charity provides.

Have a great week, I am going to really try and be strong and put our Little Trooper separation pack to full use! See pack here

Louise xxx