DING DING All change!!!!!

Some times it really can feel like you are on this separation train and for this week its has been a funny old ride and it is now our time to get off, I haven't dealt with that very well.

So this was meant to be a three month separation for us but my husband messaged me this week to say he is now coming back next week which means its only been just over two months. It is strange isn't it that in military terms we think that is such a short time but to others outside the military being separated with little contact for over two months would be huge. We shouldn't let ourselves devalue any separation, all are tough.

OK so potentially some of you reading this will be thinking I should be happy about this, jumping for joy, delighted that our light at the end of the tunnel has arrived sooner that we thought and lets be honest it is normally the news that they are delayed not coming back earlier.

The truth is I wasn't happy when I first heard my husband was coming home early

I promised to write an honest account of ALL the feelings and emotions through a separation and so that needs to be the good, the bad and the ugly and do not think this has been an easy post to write. I am laying my soul out but the point of doing that is hopefully to spread that strength that if you too feel any of these things, it is just part of the train ride.

I have now processed things throughout this week and feel ready to articulate what I felt and potentially why and also how I came out the other side.

My husband text to say he was being put on an earlier flight home, he of course was really happy and asked me not to tell our daughter so he could surprise her. All I could think about was how I had planned lots of things, my diary was packed, I was seeing people, saving money and going places in half term AND THIS WASN'T IN THE PLAN!! I was in my groove, the last three weeks or so I'd got there and finally felt like I was coping with deployment and actually enjoying some elements of it. 

My mind had accepted the change and processed it and we were doing just fine.

Now you were going to come home and ruin all that.

Do not for one minute think this has any reflection on my love for my husband, I adore him and have missed him so so much this last couple of months. In that time we have spoken maybe four or five times and I feel like so much has happened at home and he doesn't even know, it has been a tough one. I reacted badly and was a bit of a bitch to him, I pushed him and his excitement away.

I have been kind to myself this week and tried to have time to explore my feelings. You see it is about emotional safety, our emotional fuel tanks take batterings as military families and sometimes I close down to keep myself emotionally safe. It looks like for us we have a seven month tour on the horizon in early January and I found that out again by text message a few days before the early return date. I knew the rollercoaster I had just been on in this separation and just managed to level out and I knew he was going to now come home and I would fall back into family unit mode especially with Christmas leave and then I could already see the next deployment on the horizon.

I was scared. Scared for me and my emotions.  

 

I rationalised, talked about it and as the days passed I came to terms with both things and allowed myself to feel excited about my husband returning. I have missed his face so so much and I honestly can't wait to see him.

Historically I am not great at homecomings, never have been. I find it all a bit awkward and much prefer my husband to just come home with no big fuss and get back to some kind, our kind, of normal.

It really is an emotional rollercoaster and although I never get used to it I am better these days and being kinder to myself, learning why I feel what I feel. We can't control our feelings but we can talk about them to give comfort that we really are all in this together.

Louise xxxx

Its never rains but it pours....

I promised to blog an honest account throughout this separation period we are experiencing and I want it to be the good days and the bad days, by doing this I am hoping it will really show anyone from the military community that stumbles across this blog that everything you are feeling is normal and we are all going through exactly the same emotions.

Sharing will hopefully bring strength and comfort.

I WAS DOING SO WELL!!!!! I really was and three weeks in I gave myself a pat on the back, no tears thus far and day by day I was getting through them....we were all present and correct at school and work and we were all fed! Total result in my eyes.

Experience has taught me that when solo parenting over a long period it is all OK if everything is going to plan, everyone is well, no surprises and even the odd singular hurdle here and there I seem to be able to navigate alright.....it all goes horribly wrong when the wheels completely come off and a multitude of things all happen at the same time and I feel totally overwhelmed, totally alone and totally beaten.

That is exactly what happened these last few days....the wheels dramatically came off....although I am fully aware things are magnified at the moment and I am feeling hypersensitive because communications are so sporadic and almost non existent.

It's all real life stuff nothing major on reflection.....I have really bad ulcers at the moment which are making me dribble (attractive) and literally wince with pain, I spilt gel nail remover on my laptop which has made all the keys lift and some even come off (after some panic TLC the laptop started working again), the cat was dramatically sick everywhere which I just can't handle and my daughter has been off school poorly on top of work being really busy and all the normal stuff.

I just sat on my bed and sobbed. 

I have a great small network of best friends mostly from school days and I text a few of them and gained some strength, they made me laugh and I reminded myself it is OK to cry, it is OK to be sad, it is OK to be overwhelmed when a few things go wrong. Tomorrow is another day.

• Try to have a few very close family or friends who you feel comfortable calling mid wobble 
• Be kind to yourself, don't strive for perfection because we can really only do so much
• Try where at all possible to have a bad day and not let it spiral into a bad week
• Do not take your nail varnish off next to your laptop!!!!

RIP keyboard keys

If there is anyone who is completely unaffected while their serving partner is away for a period of time then I totally take my hat off to them, sometimes it hits us when we are least expecting it and it is definitely normal whatever your circumstance to have a wobble here and there, we are all human.

I am coming out the other side, seeing some favourite faces over the next few days which always fills my emotional fuel tank to the brim and bonjela is my new best friend!

If you are having a wobble this week, read this and know you are not alone I am right there with you.

A couple of blogs coming up that will be more about information spreading, good sites and products I have found along the way to help military families....if you have any to add that have helped you let me know and I will include.

Lots of love, Louise xxx

Readjustment

Now I am not entirely sure if this readjustment phase I wanted to blog about is something other people go through or if it is just something I feel? As I said in my previous post I want to blog throughout this latest deployment and all the thoughts and feelings I journey through to bring strength to other military families also experiencing separation, so we all know we are not alone.

We are in this together.

Read previous post; The emotional fuel tank  

A week or so before my husband goes away for a substantial period of time I seem to distance myself, I detach myself from him to prove in my head I can do it alone. This isn't ideal for anyone because it often ruins that last week or so before a deployment but...it is how I process the situation. It is me proving to myself I am not dependent.

And then he goes.

I always allow myself a week or maybe 10 days to readjust. It is never plain sailing at the beginning because often it is the middle of the night they get up and go or they get delayed, it is always subject to change so in your mind it is hard to feel in control.

Once he's gone my initial feeling is always sadness, I feel very vulnerable and alone. Doing a load of washing his boxers are still in the laundry basket, his ironing is still in the pile, his slippers are still by the bed and this brings waves of sadness, it seems such a huge mountain of time to climb until he comes home.

Once that washing is done I won't let myself wallow for more than a day or so it is then time to dig deep, form a routine and be strong. I know I can do this, I always do, it is just remembering how.

My coping mechanism is always to make plans, weekends are the worst especially Sundays so I make sure where I can I see friends or family or have a day out with my girlie, being busy really does make time pass quicker. I have been using the weekly planner template from Little Troopers to help, you can download it for free HERE

This time there is some intermittent WIFI for a week or so which means some what's app messages so I know he's OK but we haven't spoken since he left. When I talk to people outside the military they can never quite get their heads around what we go through, it seems normal to us but so alien to others. It is a strange concept I guess to be apart for months with limited communication.

Do you go through a period of readjustment? 

What is your experiences of the first part of deployment?

Nearly a week in now so we are getting in a routine but at the very bottom of the big time mountain, with the odd letter from the postman reminding me that there is a soldier shaped gap in our home right now.

So far only one wobble and that was when one of our fish died and I had to flush it....theses things ALWAYS seem to happen just as they walk out the door!!!

Love Louise xxx

To 'keep busy' we went exploring in the countryside

It never gets any easier

Firstly I feel really bad that the blog has been somewhat neglected! its nearly a whole YEAR since I last wrote a blogpost but the charity work with Little Troopers has been so so busy with the launch of our Little Troopers Treasures app and the Little Troopers at School project, can't believe its August already.

I tend to want to blog when I am in a reflective place wanting to share my thoughts and feelings on a situation I am in. As I always say I am living and breathing this military family life...my husband is serving, I have a daughter, we living in military housing, we move a lot...I am right there with all of you who are also living it.

At 0300hrs my husband got up in the night put on his uniform and went out the door, we won't see him again for a few months as he deploys overseas.

He has been away so much in the 17 years I have known him, we've been married 14 of those years. I've been a serving soldier, I have been the one going away on deployments and it really is easier being the one going away, you are busy and distracted, surrounded by people 24/7 so time seems to pass faster. He would probably disagree!

Many say to me "you must get used to it I suppose" Nope, I don't "it must get easier" Nope, it doesn't "you are made of strong stuff, you'll be fine" Yup I am and I am sure I will be. BUT I absolutely feel it gets harder the longer I am in this game, I get more anxious, it takes longer in that readjustment period once they have gone and I seem to miss him more. Its like wading through treacle sometimes.

On the positives I have learnt over the years how I deal with separation best, I now have the awesome Little Troopers community to draw from, I have developed coping mechanisms and my friends right by my side. So it isn't all treacle wading!

This time he hasn't gone anywhere dangerous "at least he's not going to war" yes I suppose all those people who have said that to me the last week are right, he isn't and thank god because I really didn't cope well with Iraq or Afghanistan and I truly believe those deployments changed me as a person (that's another blog post) but wherever he goes it is away, there is a time difference, communication is sporadic and I can't bloody ring him to tell him the cat has been sick on the bloody carpet AGAIN and I hate cleaning it up.

Even the cat didn't want him to go!

My Little Trooper is not so little she's 14 now and very aware he's going away for a few months and got a bit moody about it but didn't want to talk, she clung on to him a little tighter last night when he said goodbye. She's good company when he is away and once the Summer holidays are over routine will prevail! Teenagers are hard though, just like babies and toddlers are, it is just a different set of challenges....should I let her go to Thorpe Park on her own?! suddenly I have to make that decision on my own because he is away and I really don't know the answer.

I will blog throughout this deployment because I want every other military spouse out there with a partner away to know we are all finding our way through this military life, we are all in this together and hopefully can take strength from each other.

I'm right here living it with you. 

I text my husband when he was boarding his flight and said "I'm sad" and he replied "Don't be poppet be positive, it will go quicker" he's right...lets be positive, together.

Love Louise xxx

It isn't their fault is it....

My first blogpost of 2016!

Its been a slow, gloomy start to 2016 and as a family my husband has entered a year of high readiness which means lots of time away *groans*

So my question is what do we prefer....a long period away or lots of recurrent weeks/months here and there repeatedly?!

I just can't decide what is easier for me and my Little Trooper to deal with.
I currently feel like I don't know if I am coming or going, I don't want to make plans and then him come home and we'll be away and busy but I don't want to not make plans in the hope he makes it back for a day or so to then be sat at home with nothing to occupy us!
There seems no balance sometimes and we become ships that pass in the night and our Little Trooper forgets to ask if daddy is coming home soon, the norm becomes that he's not at home, this makes me really sad sometimes.

However the daffodils everywhere and the crisp sunny days we have been having have meant more positive days. There is no point in directing my anger at my soldier when he calls to say sorry I am going away for another two weeks next week, it isn't his fault is it, military personnel are paid 24/7 and that's what we signed up for, I know this I signed that dotted line myself. I hear his voice when he tells me knowing the reaction won't be good and he takes the rant on the phone before apology texts follow.

We are a team, we are in this together and that is the nature of our lives isn't it...uncertainty, repeated and sometimes concurrent separation, unsettled times....doesn't make it an easier pill to swallow though

So I am welcoming Spring with open arms, lighter and warmer days for all to enjoy.

There is lots coming up for Little Troopers in the coming moths too so if you have someone serving away from home get booked up and come and  join me and lots of others;

5/6 March - RAF Brize Norton Events
2nd April - Snowdon Family Challenge
16th April - Chelsea FC Trg Ground Event
18/19 June - Summer Camp

Look forward to seeing lots of you soon, Louise xxx

The challenges are always the same

It has been 3 weeks our soldier has been away and it seems so hard...I'm definitely out of practise! I am remembering very clearly that it doesn't matter where they are the feelings and emotions are exactly the same, ok so this time I am not worried for his safety so much but I still ache at the big void that is left.

Communication is very sporadic, in 3 weeks he has called home twice which many keep giving me shocked looks when I tell them, one lady even said "its not world war one its 2015" but it is a myth that because of the technological world we are in we can all face time or Skype our soldiers every night, often it is just not that easy.

The boiler's broken, I cracked a tooth, the TV cabinet fell forward and is now propped up with a door stop, my Little Trooper has been doing amazingly at her sport, my car service light keeps flashing.....and I can't share these things with him. I know so many of you will relate to this.

Its such a strange existence. When he has called its been very brief and the boiler fades into insignificance.

Our Little Trooper is 12 now and as much as I had hoped the older she got the easier she would find it, to a certain extent that is true she can process it better and understands where he is and what he is doing but I still see the pain in her face when good things happen and she wants to share them....and can't.

We are using the write things down and pop in a jar method so we can share everything with him when he does return home, he will then feel like he's not missed out and our little girl will feel like he was part of these few months of her life still.

A great weekend in the national press (Daily Mail article) for the Me & My Soldier calendar we released the wining images and I am so honoured we have such special images in our 2016 calendar! You can pre order your copy here

Have a positive week. Louise xxx

and then there were two.....

Its a miserable Monday morning after a very long, quiet weekend, we are eight days into a period of separation and I have realised just how much I rely on the charity for support when my soldier is away, the Facebook page is a lovely community of people who are all going through the same thing which is so comforting to me right now.

It has been four years since my husband and I have experienced a separation of longer than a couple of weeks so it has been a real adjustment, I am SO bad at goodbyes even after all the practise I have had! I feel sick and become very quiet the day before knowing what is coming and then saying goodbye it doesn't matter where he is going I feel like my heart breaks a bit every time.

Luckily it was very late at night so our Little Trooper was tucked up and woke the next day really positive, I got up the next day feeling strong and determined to not have a black cloud over my week.

Separation is hard, it doesn't matter where your partner going (war or otherwise), how many months your partner is away for...its difficult, emotional and a real test of your resolve.
So many service personnel are away right now for a long time away from their families, its not in the news and you don't always hear about it but its happening and I want to highlight that.
To all those who tell me not so...The charity is NEEDED all the time because separation of British Armed Forces families is ALWAYS happening.

I posted an image on Facebook the day my soldier went away which many liked and shared and commented on because we all know the feeling...

One comment made me cry, lots of very real tears;

"I said goodbye a month ago yesterday and have to wait until 5th Dec to see him again, so far he has missed our sons first word, standing up, clapping his hands, my 21st birthday and our first wedding anniversary today"

I cried because I got it, I've been there. So many things people take for granted and military families have big gaps in their lives where things have been missed, memories are missing, occasions aren't what they should be and bonds with Little Troopers are affected.

If nothing else take away from this blogpost that so many families are separated right now, so many strong women are surviving and so many Little Troopers continue to need the resources the charity provides.

Have a great week, I am going to really try and be strong and put our Little Trooper separation pack to full use! See pack here

Louise xxx

Me...Mum of the Year?!

On Sunday 1st March 2015 I stood on a stage at The Savoy in London and accepted an award for Tesco Supportive Mum of the Year 2015.

I was in a room of people celebrating women who have achieved great things, causes they are truly passionate about and it was a great place for me to be reiterating that children of soldiers don't always have it easy and there must be a support community for them.

I felt so honored to have people listen to the story of how My Daddy is a Soldier Adventures came  about and to see my Little Trooper, Madison on a big screen telling everyone how it has helped her made everything worth it.

"Children are so resilient though"

So many say this to me, they are little people with feelings and emotions and sometimes we need to be their holding hand and help them process those feelings when they are scared, frightened, worried or just missing their soldier and if I can be that holding hand and can ease that separation period with My Daddy is a Soldier Adventures then we are achieving what I want.

A visit to 10 Downing Street the day after the awards was also a fantastic opportunity, we met Nicky Morgan Secretary of State for Education. I wanted to speak with her about the Service pupil premium that schools receive as I feel passionately that schools need guidance on that...will keep you posted!

Tesco Mum of the Year has been amazing, new friends met and so many memories made but as always this isn't about me it is about raising awareness of the challenges British Army families face on a daily basis and highlighting why this support is needed.

Many tears were shed on Sunday at the awards ceremony and so many mummy's in one place all proving that women with a passion can achieve anything.

Thanks Tesco, its been a blast!

Louise xxx

p.s Blue was a bit of a highlight too!!

We need your support now more than ever

The dust has settled a little after a very exciting week and I really wanted to blog in answer to a question I keep getting asked;

"Afghanistan is over now so all the soldiers are at home aren't they"

 

 

I really wish this was true, I wish with all my heart that this Christmas every family would have their soldier with them by the tree but that just isn't the case.

 

The British Army have many commitments and these are changing constantly in the UK and abroad and this takes soldiers away from the family home, ok so not all these commitments make the headlines and not all of them are combat zones but they do still mean elongated separation of a soldier and child, the added complication of this to a child is that it's over and over again constant separation of varying lengths.

 

Please don't think that because operations aren't in the news they aren't happening because they are, every single day of the year there are Little Troopers with a soldier parent away and it is so important today and every day we are here to support them and ensure they are connected and bonded with the soldier who's away.

 

How can you help?

 

We want to ensure we are ALWAYS here for British Army families and our dream is an Adventure Centre.

 

The Adventure Centre will be a focal point for families to make memories prior to a separation and to reconnect post a separation period. While soldiers are away we would offer weekends so families can meet others in a similar situation. The centre would provide various adventure activities, which would be varied throughout the year.

Being in an Army family is a unique experience, our Little Troopers have a lot to contend with.  We can’t stop the loneliness and fear children feel when their parent is away, but we can make them feel safe, secure and distracted so they don’t reach crisis point.

To achieve our centre we are launching a Fundraising campaign to raise £1million.  This would cover:

• Refurbishment of a building to accommodate 25 families with common areas and an administration building
• Catering areas - kitchen, dining
• Adventure equipment - climbing wall, high ropes course, equipment store
• An activity hall for indoor activities
• Resource area for day courses for families
• A project manager
• Transport

You can help us by signing up to our Fundraising Trek in April or clicking here to make a donation.

 

Help me make the dream happen for Little Troopers. Louise xxx